Welcome to The Hoe Diaries, Darling. Here's What to Expect

Welcome to the Hoe Diaries

If you are reading this then God help us all- I've actually gone and published the damn thing. Needless to say, dearest reader, that I am currently shitting bricks with more than a little terror at the knowledge that my words are now out there in this great wide world. Will they come back to bite me in the ass? How the hell should I know. But I'd rather risk it than never share these adventures of mine. And I think that you too would be fairly sorry if I did not share these shenanigans and observations (though I guess you'd be none the wiser of such a loss).

Some things to know about this blog before we dive in to the juicy fun bits:

• GTFO If You're a Baby:

  • If you are not 18+, then please, for the love of all things good in this world, get off this page. Seriously, y'all get to learn about the birds and the bees somewhere else, and it ain't gonna be with me.

• Warning about the Fucks and Shits and Spice:

  • This page contains copious amounts of profanity, a good bit of explicit and juicy detail, and more than one irreverent joke that very well may land us both in the fires of hell. Good luck.

• It's All 95% Accurate:

  • The stories and people I talk about are mostly true. For the sake of protecting both my identity and others, please be aware that while the underlying gist of my entries and stories will be true, some of the important details, names, and experiences will be changed to ensure anonymity.

• Allow Me to Mess Up, Please:

  • I ask that you allow me to be an imperfect human being who doesn't have everything figured out. There may be times where I accidentally perpetuate a harmful stereotype, I speak from a misinformed place, or I allow my personal feelings to cloud my writing and influence my thoughts. Please remember that I am a human being too, and I am literally using this space to try to figure these things out. So it may get messy. If there is every anything I say that is concerning to you, shoot me a message. Let's chat.

• The Lessons are Linked to the Blogs:

  • As I learn lessons about the dating world, I will put them in my 'Wisdom of the Hoes' or 'Wisdom of Life Section". Some wisdoms will be directly linked to a blog post that will explain them further. Others will just be there to be there. Just click on them to learn more, if there is more to learn!

• Be Willing to Allow Me to Remain Anonymous, Until I Decide Otherwise:

  • Living in this day and age, it is incredibly challenging to have any semblance of privacy when aspects of our life are demanded from us by the internet. However, my request of you, dearest reader, is that you not go digging too deeply into who I am, until I am ready to come forth and claim my stories. There are a number of people in my life, including family, lovers, and friends, who would be deeply affected and harmed by the fact that I am writing this blog and embarking on this journey. So I ask, for their sake, that you let this be what it is. A spicy blog written by a spicy human using a fun lil alias.

SO, with that out of the way... let's get to it shall we?

My name is Magdalene and I am, for lack of any desire to be tactful, an aspiring whore.

Why Did I Start The Hoe Diary?

My guiding life mantra is:

"Live life as though you are the main character of your own story- because you are."

How do I do this? I treat every sphere of my life, every situation that arises, as though it is a development for the plot of my life movie. Therefore every decision, every challenge, every victory, is simply a development for the plot. And every decision I am scared to make, I usually end up doing "for the plot". It's a fabulous way to operate. Whether things go swimmingly, or horribly, none of it really impacts me personally because it is all simply a plot development for the movie of my life.

10/10 would recommend

This philosophy is extremely supportive as I enter what I hope will be my first official 'hoe phase'. You see, I have never in my life been single long enough to have the space to explore my sexuality/desires/ interests fully. And to be frank, this is the first time in my life I feel safe and secure enough to do so without shame or embarrassment. So when I first adopted that exhilarating, if terrifying, label of 'single', I committed to myself that I would have full permission to use my newfound freedom to fully flesh out and explore as many aspects of my romantic/sexual self as I possibly could. I am very aware of the consequences when a woman does not allow herself to explore, should she have a strong desire to do so. And that is not a burden I wish to bear.

For most of my life, I have been surrounded by women who sacrificed their fire, their sexual selves, their internal divinity, on the altar of some kind of commitment- whether to a male partner, to a child, to a career, or to a cause. In my experience, we woman are encouraged from an early age to devote ourselves entirely to our persons, places, and things. We are required to be in constant contribution from sun up to sun down. Any attempt at internal devotion is usually met with scorn and shame. This was at least the environment in which I was raised. I watched so many women walking before me dim their lights to little more than embers as they poured and poured and poured into all the shit around them, instead of nurturing their own flames into bonfires. And when I finally found myself free of the last few commitments that had been dimming my own light, I decided to try to forge a new path in my own life for all the women before me who never had the permission or courage to do so themselves. Enter The Hoe Diary.

How it Got It's Name?

Being the book-loving dramatic bitch that I am, I decided I wanted to use this commitment to serve my 'main-character' energy. So three days after entering single-hood, I drove myself to the nearest book store, strode right back to the journals section, and purchased a small, leather-bound, maroon notebook with empty pages just waiting for my next adventure.

I returned home with my treasure in hand and sat at my dining room table, contemplating where to even begin. What exactly would I title this new chapter of my life? What would it's theme and purpose be?

The longer I sat, staring intently at this empty book brimming with possibility, the more I turned over what this new phase of life meant to me. I considered what my intentions were with my singleness. What my hopes and dreams and aspirations were. And I turned over what my fears were- what confusions, uncertainties, and insecurities were to face me as well.

It was a good friend of mine who inspired the name. As I sat at my dining room table waiting stubbornly for this journal to reveal its name, I remembered a hilarious conversation I'd had with a girlfriend a few days prior in which I had laughingly joked that it was time for me to start being a lil' hoe. We'd chuckled and moved on with our conversation, but the name stuck.

The Hoe Diaries it was.

What to Expect:

This Diary will contain both my stories and observations of life as a young, single woman with my identities, living in this day in age. It at times may serve as a 'coming of age' tale, and at other times parallel the energy of Carrie Bradshaw's 'Sex and the City'.

The Stories:

• Each story that I deem significant to the plot of my aspiring hoe life receives a title that reflects the climax of the experience (wink wink)

• Each illustration captures one of the important moments from the whole situation

• I will usually link a story to a lesson learned (see 'Wisdom of the Hoes' to learn more)

• Most stories will describe my sex, romantic, or intimate life in some way shape or form, although they may deviate into other areas of my life as I see fit

The Observations

• These entries describe an observation, wisdom, or learning that I have internalized and wish to either externally process via writing or share with you, my incredible reader.

• While most of my observations and thoughts are reflective of the dating/romantic/sexual world, they won't all fit those categories. I wax poetic at times about the state of the world, the life of a woman, the traumas of a religious upbringing, toxic masculinity, etc. etc. It truly depends on where the mood takes me.

• I will usually link an observation to a lesson learned (See 'Wisdom of Life' to learn more)
  

Consider this a safe space for all the secret dreamers, smutty readers, singles of newly-minted and long-standing memberships, curious married folks wondering what life is like on the untethered side, the girlies, the guys, and everyone in between who never had anyone to talk to about this stuff. This is a space for anyone simply curious about dating, sex, romance, and singleness in the 21st century.

Consider me your unofficial big sister, sharing her wisdoms as she learns them in the hopes that you will feel seen, heard, safe, and guided.

Thank you so much for being here. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Please don't hesitate to submit an inquiry should you ever find yourself with your own journey to share, or a question to ask, or maybe even some wisdom to pass on.

With Love,

Magdalene Signature